Hey, y'all, this is Dr. Naima. Welcome back to the House of Ta. And today we are naming something that lives deep in too many of our bodies. The pattern of shrinking, of performing, of betraying your own truth just to stay loved. of staying in relationships where you are only safe as long as you stay small. And I want to say this before we go any further. If you were here, and this is already hitting in your chest or your gut, if your breath doesn't feel at ease, you are not broken. You were taught to betray yourself far. far too long ago, just until you can belong. But you do not have to keep doing it. Today, we're going to name what happens when you when you open centers pull you into self-betrayal. We're going to name how this shows up in your relationships. And we're going to talk about what it looks like to stop loving people who need you small. So take a breath. Let's go in.

I don't care how long you have known them. I don't care if you share the same DNA. The moment they need you to speak small to stay connected, that is not safe for you. And if you have been shrinking yourself just to be chosen, this is your wake up call. They're not choosing you. They're choosing who you need to be to survive. Because you're open or undefined centers and your human sign chart have been running this show for so long, you don't even know that you have a mask on. You may think it's truly who you are. But today, we're gonna name it. Let's talk about it. There was a moment in my life when this became clear in a way, that made me shiver. That made me gasp. It was after my divorce. Or I would say we were going through the divorce. And there was someone I had been close to. My former sister-in-law. This was a woman who had been there for me as a mother. She literally helped name our daughter, me and my ex husband's daughter. She literally helped us name and we just took it. She had helped me get dressed on days where I didn't even believe in myself. I mean, she would pick out outfits for me. She would, I mean, all the things that I did that I thought was love. She had witnessed some of the most important intender parts of my life. And after the divorce, I was in Brooklyn, I was in her part of town, I was excited to see her. I hadn't seen her in a while. So I went to her house. I had to pee and yeah, I know, I said that. Yepup. And I wanted to talk to her. Her son was there, right? The son, when she had him, we went to the hospital. I remember just saying to her, you're your mommy. And she smiled. It was such a beautiful moment at that time. So I met her house. I went to the bathroom. I came out. I'm not, you know, I'm just spark up a conversation. And she looked at me and said, I'm on my brother's side. Unprovoked. I wasn't talking about her brother. I never spoke negatively about her brother to her. And I let that break me. Her response to me. Because it wasn't it wasn't just about the marriage. I thought that we had developed a friendship. After that happened, we hadn't spoken for two years. But during that two years, I had been in contact with people who knew both of us. And these were people they didn't really know me, know me. They just knew me through my ex husband and his family, and they knew all my business. She was saying things, telling them that I was gay. That ever since I earned my PhD, I think I'm better than people. And that's why I left her brother. I feel like.... Damn. I felt like, damn, it cut me deep. So again, I went on not speaking to her. And during that time, I started to unpack it all. I started to see that it was never really about loyalty to her brother. It was about her needing me to stay small. She thinks she's better than somebody with that degree. Shit that had nothing to fucking do with the years of cheating and financial infidelity I dealt with with her brother. And yes, she knew these things because after she said she was on his side, I said, okay, you on the side of somebody who cheated on your niece's mother for years and financially abused her? Okay. I'm that person. I I'm direct. Even if I'm hurt, even if I do some tomfoolery, I'm direct. So even after I told her all these things, she still was talking about me. But even knowing that, I overruled my body's knowing. So I had been two years since we had spoken, and I was like, "Oh, I miss her, I miss her." You know,'cause again, I was still doing a lot of my healing, learning my human design, and stuff like that. Not really understanding my open centerers still learning it. So I called my ex husband. I said, hey, um, do you have your sister's number? I know you do. I really want to get in contact work and you see if she wants to speak to me. He said, sure. He call me back. He said, yes, she'll speak to you.. So I did all of that shit trying to shrink myself again so that I can be loved and accepted.. And when we spoke, and I didn't just want to tell her I missed her. I wanted to talk about it. Like, when you said this thing about your brother to me, unprovoked, it really hurt my feelings. It really was messed up. And when she dismissed it with her, oh, I didn't mean it. I knew. From that moment. That was the moment. That was the moment when I stopped loving people who needed me broken. That was the moment when I stopped betraying my body for belonging. You see, I started to understand my undefined emotional center, undefined Sles Center, and how it's easy with these to absorb other people's feelings and emotions and urgency. And you just oh, I just used to override what was right for me. And the reality is, I'm always going to have these undefined centers. I'm a projector with an undefined emotional center an undefined sake, obviously, right? It's never going to not be there, but now I am aware of it. And if you were still listening to this, I know many of you have your own version of this story. Maybe you weren't that dumb as me with the fucking sister-in-law. Maybe it was a man that you keep letting fuck you over. Maybe it's a parent who's oppressive, manins. who you just keep going around. Maybe it's at adult child who keeps using you. But because that's your child, you keep letting them. So let's name how this happens. You're open and you're undefined centers are porous. And when you do not know how to work with them, they will pull you into self betrayal over and over again. There are nine centers and no, I am not going to all nine. I'm going to go over a few of them that I've seen, really fuck people over, whether it be my own personal life or with clients that I've worked with. So the first one is going to be that open or undefined identity center. That means it's why you look at the at your chart, it's white. These's undefined, open, undefined and open centers are going to be white centers. So with that open or undefined identity center, you're meant to shapeshift. That's beautiful. You're meant to try on different identities to see what works for you, not to fit in, but what works for you. However, comma. the shadow of that looks like you losing yourself trying to be what everyone else needs you to be. You lose yourself. You don't even know who you are. You keep trying to go, "Who am I?" Rather than accepting that your identity is fluid. It's fluid. It's beautiful. It's ever changing. If you have an open or undefined heart center is also called the ego center, and it is also called the will Center. Okay? You're self- betrayal looks like overgiving and over achieving. You keep trying to earn love that should never have required you proving yourself in the first place. Stop trying to prove yourself. You are not here to prove yourself. Know that when you start to over, overprove, over achieve, you have an undefined heart ego, or will center, that it taxes your heart physically. Stop that shit. They don't like you who gives a fuck. They need this thing and you have it, but you your authority said, no, don't do it. And if you haven't listened to my podcast about authority is the one right before this. I want you to start realizing this week when you're doing these things if you have these centers undefined. Again, awareness is key. Next is going to be your open emotional center, which half of us have, because only half have it defined. If you have an open or undefined emotional center, you absorb other people's feelings a lot. So sometimes that leads to you walking our eggshells. You don't want confrontation. You may even stay in relationships long after they stop being safe because you do not want to disrupt the peace. That was me in my marriage. I spoke about from 2018 until 2021 when I decided to leave. I spoke about not wanting to be with that man. To anybody who would listen but him. People were confused because they're like, you just said you hate that nigga and you over here living on loving on them out publicly. Last but not least, I'll talk about that open or undefined sequel Center projectors. We don't have to defined Sakeel. And that looks like when you're not living in the lime when you're not working with this energy, you override your exhaustion. You keep saying yes to please others. You betray your own body to stay connected with people who would not give a fuck about you. Long term, especially in your career. I know that's where it showed up for me. Okay? And little by little, you abandoned yourself. Not because you're weak. Because you were taught to betray yourself for belonging. And these open or undefined centers, it kind of makes it easy for you to do that when you're not aware of them. But here's what I want to say today. You don't have to keep doing this. You're humanized shows you how to rebuild, how to reclaim clarity around what is yours and what is not. How do we build those fucking boundaries rooted in your truth? How to move through relationships without self abandonment. Yes, you can get love without good love, without self-sacrifice, without self- abandonment. And here's what I want you to reflect on this week. Why are you shrinking to stay loved? Not why, but more of where. I'd rather say where. Where are you shrinking? To stay loved. Where are you betraying your body's knowing to stay chosen? And this is not only romantic love, I gave the whole example of my system. I could be any type of love. Where are you still performing to avoid rejection of who you truly are? Because the moment you can name it, you could begin to shift it. And I promise you this. You were never meant to shrink for love. ' because the best love is self- love. So if this landed in your chest, in your gut, and your bones, in your bodies intelligence, listen You do not have to heal this alone. Inside of the house of Ta, this is the work we do. Right now, my mini courses and my one on one sessions are open if you want to begin. But the premium space, the wait list is now open for the House of Thai, the program, where you're never too loud, you're never too much. Oh, I built this for who I used to be and it's you. It's for women who are ready to move deeper into this work, who are ready to be held in this journey long term. That space is coming. And if you know it, if you know it's for you, not from a mental space, because your mind is to be fucking you up. Your body's authority. You can add your name to the wait list today. The link is in the show notes. However, comma, move only if it's time. Only you know when you're fucking tired. If this episode spoke to you, stay close. There's more coming. I'm Dr. Naima, and I'm here to remind you. your homecoming isn't out there. It's your rhythm. Your clarity. your return.